


No One Is Alone

by LesboDyke



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Body Sharing, Canon Divergent, F/F, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Mentions of Death, Multi, OT3, Telepathy, Unrequited Crush, body swapping, established sjur/mara, longfic, mara is done with the whole damn thing, petra is an anxious baby, pre established sjur/mara, self doubt, self hatred, sjur is a shit, slowburn, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22060441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesboDyke/pseuds/LesboDyke
Summary: Petra is unsure if she's fit to be Mara's Wrath, so seeks solace in talking to the one who came before. Unfortunately, Sjur wasn't quite ready to give up on her title just yet.
Relationships: Mara Sov/Petra Venj, Sjur Eido/Mara Sov, Sjur Eido/Mara Sov/Petra Venj, Sjur Eido/Petra Venj
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	1. A Connection Began

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, Destiny has consumed me. Witness the result!
> 
> Also:  
> A Fighdra is type of Regal bird, that's prone to attacking anyone who gets to close to its nest. Thing if a Swan crossbred with a Peacock in terms of personality and design.

Petra had walked for miles. Her legs burned within their greaves, and there was a bruise developing on her thigh where the Knife, the symbol of her new role, had been banging against her skin. Petra wasn’t really one that believed in signs from the physical world, but the injury sustained by the very thing that told the universe of the trust her Queen had placed in her felt like a sign that the trust was misplaced.

As she walked, Petra thought about where she might be going. She wasn’t sure, if she was honest. She was just walking. But it felt like there was somewhere she should go, somewhere important. But for the life of her, she couldn’t think where that might be.

But she knew when she arrived. She stopped in front of the statue of Sjur Eido, looking up at her and sighing softly.

“Why did you have to die?” Petra asked, lowering herself to kneel in front of the statue. She unsheathed the knife and held it on her lap, glancing between the soft shine of the blade and the cold stone of Sjur’s face. “She needs you. She’s always needed you, but she’s left with me and I don’t… know if I can help her in the way you could.” Petra’s face burned, and she cleared her throat. “Not in the personal way. Professional only, of course.” She wasn’t sure why she was assuring a Statue of a dead woman that she had no plans on making moves on her ex girlfriend, but she felt like she had to anyway.

Petra looked back down at the knife, meeting her own eye in the reflection in the blade. She stroked her finger over the curve of the knife, feeling the cool metal under her skin. “This doesn’t feel like mine. It feels like I’m playing dress up with your things. And sometimes, when Mara looks at me… I can see that she’s not seeing me. She’s looking for you, and it’s the smallest of facial expressions but she’s upset…” Petra sighed, putting the knife away and shaking her head. “But I’m sure I’ll figure it out. After all, I bet you weren’t always so self assured.” Petra shifted, leaning up and resting her hand on the statues stomach.

The energy transfer was immediate, and it nearly knocked Petra off of her feet. If it hadn’t have been for her time training with the Titans in the tower, it probably would have. Petra blinked, screwing her eyes shut and then opening them again, breathing out slowly and shakily.

“I’d almost think you don’t like me.” Petra mumbled, rubbing her hands against each other to try and get rid of the residual energy that still felt like it crackled around her skin.

_ I never said that. _ Answered a voice inside of Petra’s head, making her blink and twist, looking from side to side and then behind her, before looking up at the statue.

“Sjur? Sjur Eido?” Petra blinked. “I’m going mad. This is it, this is the end of me, the stress has driven me mad.”

_ I always knew something would. _

“Not helping!” Petra scolded. She was speaking aloud because she was pretty sure that if she spoke to Sjurs voice in her head, in her head then she might just need to present herself to a medic and request sedation until the voices went away.

_ Wait, you can hear me? And…  _ Petra found her hand lifting, no matter how much she willed it down. It turned over, eyes focusing on it.  _ I’m in a body? I have a physical form again!  _ Petra winced, sore legs complaining as she jumped without meaning to.

“Stop that! I… I need to… I…”

_ Breathe, little fighdra. I can feel your panic and I don’t like it.  _ Petra struggled to catch her breath, resting her hand against the statue again in the hope that maybe it would undo whatever madness she’d set in motion.  _ I don’t think I can go back in, Petra. _

“Why not?” Petra demanded, still touching the statue. “I know I said she needed you, but that wasn’t an invitation to take over my head!” Petra realised her arm was shaking as her legs nearly went from beneath her.

_ Petra! _ Sjur’s voice was sharp inside of her head. The voice of the Queens Wrath.  _ Gather yourself, have some self control.  _ Petra forced herself to breathe, focusing on steadying the parts of her body that were shaking. More than ever before, she was grateful that Sjur’s statue was miles away from everything else. Mara had done that deliberately, so that she could honour her Wrath without hurting herself by seeing her face every day.   
Despite trying her hardest to calm herself, Petra couldn’t cut off the rising panic in her chest. It felt like her heart was about to explode. Everything had already been so much, with the addition of this stress, it felt like she was going to die.  _ Petra!  _ Sjur’s voice echoed and faded, despite being in her own head.

Sjur could feel Petra’s panic rising, threatening to overwhelm her as well. Not realising what she was doing, Sjur made Petra move. She walked to the wall and rested her hands against the smooth stone. She was almost certain Petra could take more than this, but she wanted to start slow. With her arms straight, and her feet planted, Sjur lowered Petra’s body to the wall, in an incline push, before back up again. She could still feel Petra panicking, and could feel their breathing coming heavy, but she kept on, pushing against the wall over and over until slowly things started calming down. As Sjur began to find it easier to breathe, she pulled away from the wall and began jumping, starfishing out before retracting back into herself.

“Why… are… we… jumping?” Petra asked, in between the jumps. Sjur grunted, finding the noise different coming from Petra’s throat. But she didn’t take the voicebox away from Petra.

_ Physical activity can help when you’re panicking like you were. I knew your legs were wobbly, so I went with incline push ups until you were steady enough to jump.  _ Petra managed a nod, but didn’t fight Sjur to make them stop jumping.  _ When you feel ready, let me know and we can stop and actually talk.  _ Another nod, but Petra didn’t speak up. So Sjur kept them jumping. She ignored the pain in Petra’s legs, Sjur was good at ignoring pain. She’d been doing it ever since she first started training, all of those years ago when she was once human.

“Okay. We can stop jumping now.” Petra said finally. Sjur stilled, and retreated, allowing Petra control of her limbs again. “Thanks.”

_ Anytime. _ Sjur’s last act was to gently shrug Petra’s shoulders, before fully retreating back to being just a consciousness in Petra’s head.

“Did you plan for this?” Petra asked, moving to sit with her back against the legs of Sjur’s statue, getting comfortable and settled in for a long conversation. And to give her legs a chance to rest. Next time, she reasoned, she’d go for a mind breaking walk before a long training session, not after.

_ Being in your head? No. My death? Also no. Nor the statue, or hanging around it, or really… any of this.  _ Petra could feel a laugh bubble up, and knew that it wasn’t her. But she still let it out, listening at the strange sound of a hollow, humourless laugh left her mouth.

“Do you know what caused it?” Petra asked, fingers slowly working into her sore muscles to try and relieve the ache. “Or have you heard anything about this before?”

_ No and no. _ Sjur admitted.  _ Slower. Dig deep, make circles. It’ll hurt, but it’ll get the knots out. _

“I know how to massage my own knots.” Petra huffed, even as she followed the advice. “Do you know of anyone who might have any kind of advice or knowledge about this?”

_ Kalli or Shuro Chi maybe. _

“No.” Petra shook her head. “We can’t tell anyone in the Court. I’m the Queen’s Wrath. Anything like this… it could make me seem weak, which would make Mara look weak.” Petra felt the interest. The spark at Mara’s name, the way Sjur was examining her, from the inside.

_ Maybe one of the Guardians? You lived with them, is there anyone you can think of? _

“No. The closest is the man who can read Engrams but I don’t think he’d know anything like this.” Petra shook her head.

_ Plus you think he’s creepy. Would that really stop you seeking his help? _

“How do you know that?”

_ Because you know it. Try and access something only I’d know. You’ll see. _ Petra frowned, chewing her lip and trying to think of something.  _ Not that. _ Sjur said as Petra’s mind wandered, and her face lit up a bright colour.

“Sorry.” She said, slightly chastened. Managing to redirect her thought process, Petra thought about Bows. She’d never had any real skill with Bows, much preferring her knives and sidearm. She thought about how one might train with a Bow and found herself knowing exactly how to run through a training exercise she’d never seen or done. “Wow… That’s… handy, I guess?”

_ So long as you keep your dirty thoughts out of my memories, yeah. _ Sjur pointed out. Petra could feel the teasing tone, but also the jealousy that lay underneath.

“You don’t get to dictate my thoughts, Sjur Eido. Even if you’re here, this is still my head.” Petra pointed out, still slowly working on her legs, feeling the tension slowly beginning to release.

_ I will dictate if you decide to go down the rabbit hole of fantasising about my girlfriend. _

“You’re dead.” Petra pointed out, feeling petty from having been scolded. “So technically if anything, she’s your Ex girlfriend, and therefore free game.” She pointed out, sitting back and leaving her legs for the moment.

_ Don’t make me kill you, Petra Venj. It’ll kill me too, but it’ll be worth it.  _ Petra laughed then, shaking her head.

“Relax, Sjur. She doesn’t want me. I told you, she looks at me and gets sad because it’s  **me** and not you. So even if I am having those thoughts, it doesn’t matter. Especially not now you’re back. She’ll never look at me. Not for me.” Petra shrugged, slowly getting to her feet. “So you’ve got nothing to worry about.” She dusted her hands over her knees, and began to make her way back towards the more populated areas of the Dreaming City.

There was silence as they walked. Petra tried to ignore the hurt in the pit of her stomach. Even if she had hoped to someday be seen by Mara, to be noticed as herself, having Sjur in her head had erased any hope of that happening.   
  
_ Hey, let me fix this. _ Petra felt her hands, outside of her control move to her belt, beginning to work on the straps that held the heavy knife against her leg.  _ Whoever put this on you didn’t fit it to you. You’ve got skinnier thighs than I ever did, that’s why it’s bruised you. _ It took a moment of standing still and letting Sjur fiddle with the straps, before they fit properly around Petra’s thigh and to her belt.  _ Here. Now it won’t bang against you so roughly. _

“Thanks.” Petra mumbled, pulling her hands back under her own control and starting to walk again. She just wanted to get back to her own Quarters now. She’d moved out of the barracks the day before, and for the first time since she could remember, had her own bed. At first, she’d worried that she’d miss the heat and weight of the other bodies, but she’d slept better than she ever had before. A part of her was wondering what sleep would be like now that there were two people in her head.

“Petra!” A Corsair stopped Petra as she drew closer to the palace. She cursed, having wanted to escape to her room. “The Queen wants to see you. She was about to send out a search party, since she couldn’t get you on the Comms.” Petra winced, but nodded.

“I’ll go and see her right away, thank you.” She bowed at the waist, before turning away from the path that would have led her to her bed, and instead moved towards Mara’s throne room. Each step made her feet feel heavier, but Petra could feel a bubbling excitement in her chest that wasn’t her own. Images, memories and thoughts that didn’t belong to her flashed through Petra’s mind. Mara, glorious and regal, and smiling. Laughing in a way Petra never thought possible. Mara’s fingers in her hair, although it wasn’t her hair. Mara nestled tight against her, smaller in sleep. Mara glancing over during meetings with a look of boredom and affection in equal measure. Mara, Mara, Mara, over and over, Mara in every conceivable situation, playing through behind Petra’s eyes, distracting her and almost causing her to walk into a pillar.   
“Sjur, please.” Petra whispered, shaking her head to try and clear the images. “We can’t let Mara know, just control yourself for five minutes.” She begged, starting to walk again. Sjur didn’t answer, but no more memories made their way through Petra’s system and that was good enough.

As Petra pushed open the door to Mara’s throne room and her eyes landed on her Queen, any control she had over herself fled and Petra found herself as a passenger in her own body, unable to wrest control back from Sjur.

“Mara…” Sjur took big steps forward, almost tripping over her own feet from the new stride length.

_ Sjur, what are you doing? _ Petra demanded, desperately trying to stop them from continuing down the carpet to Mara’s throne. She didn’t get the chance to come even close to regaining control as Mara was in front of them in the blink of an eye, knife stolen from the holster on their leg and pressed against their neck.

“You’re not Petra.” Mara said lowly. Sjur swallowed, hands up. “Who are you? And what have you done with my Wrath?”

“Put the knife down and I’ll tell you.” Sjur attempted to bargain. Mara pressed harder and Sjur swallowed, feeling the blade cut, just slightly, into the skin. “Or not, got it.”

_ Sjur! Just tell her! _ Petra begged.  _ Since you’ve made it that we have no other choice! _

“Okay, okay. Your Majesty, this is going to sound unreal, but I’m Sjur Eido. Petra is still here, telling me off right now, I can explain, I promise, please don’t kill us.” Mara moved to stand in front of them, knife still to their throat, examining Petra’s face.

“Sjur Eido died.”

“Yeah… I was drawn to the statue you made.” Mara frowned, still not pulling the knife back.

“If you’re really Sjur, prove it. What did you last say to me? Your last words to me?” Mara demanded, and Sjur softened almost instantly.

“Don’t fret,” Sjur started, and Petra could feel the sadness running through them. “It’s a simple expedition. We’ll be back before lunch.” Mara continued to eye them, but slowly lowered the knife. Sjur reached up, gently rubbing at the small wound Mara had left.

“How did this happen?” Mara asked. Sjur bit Petra’s lip.

“Petra?”

_ Don’t look at me. I can’t get control back, you’re going to have to tell her. Besides, she’s less likely to attack you. _ Petra pointed out. Sjur sighed, shaking her head.

“Okay, she’s not going to help me.” Mara raised an eyebrow.

“She’s in there? Now? With you?”

“Yes. Hiding, not wanting to talk to you.” Sjur grinned, clearly rather enjoying dropping Petra in hot water with Mara.

“Petra Venj.” Sjur felt their body recoil just a little in reaction to Mara’s tone of voice, but just about managed to avoid dropping to her knees. “I wouldn’t think my Wrath too much of a coward to face her Queen.”

“Sorry your Majesty.” Petra answered, followed by a laugh from Sjur. “I went for a walk to clear my head after training.”

_ Are you lying to her? _

“You wanted me to tell her, don’t interrupt.” Petra scolded, and Sjur held their hands up. “I found myself in front of Sjur’s statue and stopped to take a rest.”

_ And worry about your suitedness for the job. _ Petra didn’t respond to Sjur this time. She didn’t want Mara to ask any questions.

“As I was standing, I happened to touch the statue. And found Sjur awake in my head, with some very unhelpful commentary.” Petra swallowed, forcing herself not to fidget. “We planned on figuring out a plan before we brought this to you, not wanting you to worry.” Mara retreated to her throne, sitting and playing with the knife she’d taken from Petra.

“You were right to keep this a secret.” She settled on, motioning the two of them forward. Once Petra reached the throne, she knelt, chin resting on her chest. “Of course, Sjur, it would have been better if you had been able to control yourself, but self control was never exactly your strong suit, was it?”

“I’d apologise, but I was excited to see you.” Sjur pointed out, lifting their head and offering Mara a wink. The look on the Monarchs face let her know that it wasn’t the right reaction and she dropped her head again.

_ Stop getting us in more trouble. _ Petra scolded.

_ She used to think it was charming when I did that. _ Sjur shot back.  _ Not my fault having you as a Wrath has drained her of her humour. _

“Listen here, you little-”

“Enough!” Mara spoke and they jumped, quickly looking down again. “We need to find a solution for this. Until then, Petra, you are to attend to your duties. You. Not Sjur.” Petra nodded.

“Yes, your Majesty.”

“Sjur,” Mara said, watching as Petra’s head raised. She could already see a different twinkle in the eye when it was Sjur looking back at her. “Don’t get in Petra’s way. Hang back while she’s working. And in the evenings, the three of us will work towards fixing this problem.”

“Thanks, Mara.” Sjur reached up, resting a hand on Mara’s knee. She ignored the panic and butterflies that came from Petra. “It’s good to see you again, my love.” Sjur recognised the way Mara softened, offering their knife back.

“I would say the same, but you’re in a body I see every day, and you know I don’t lie. However… I am glad you’re not gone.”


	2. The Start of Getting Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petra and Sjur do some training together and then have a meeting with Mara and Illyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, and I'm not really happy with it, but it's done.
> 
> Also Sjur spends a lot of time with her foot in her mouth in this chapter. Which is impressive, given she's not even running the body!

_ On your left!  _ Sjur warned. Petra dodged, just in time, as a Corsair swung for her unguarded side. She rolled, managing to snatch up her training staff and bring it up to block the next blow.  _ Let me. _ Sjur encouraged, and Petra willingly gave up control of her limbs. Sjur grinned, curling Petra’s lips, before twisting the staff with one hand. The other struck out, landing a punch on the Corsairs thigh. They stumbled, allowing Sjur to regain her footing and surge forward in a ramming headbutt, knocking their poor opponent to the ground. With that opponent on the ground, Sjur span the staff, turning and easily blocking her next target, sweeping a kick that knocked them from their feet as well. The final opponent jumped over one of their prone comrades to rush at the Queens Wrath. Petra took control back without any fight and stabbed her staff into the ground, using it as an anchor as she jumped from the ground and swung, feet connecting with the stomach of the final Corsair and sending them flying backwards until they tripped over the very person they’d jumped over moments before.

“Okay, that’s enough. We need some Corsairs who can still fight.” Saama Vash stepped forward, clapping slowly. She was the head Corsair, and organised the training between Petra and the others, to help her keep her skills sharp.

_ Oh come on! We could go for another few rounds, easy!  _ Sjur demanded, as Petra lifted her staff from where she’d stabbed it, brushing dirt back over to cover the hole.

“Are you sure there’s no one else looking to get some early morning training in?” Petra asked instead. Honestly, Sjur was right. They were only just getting started, and she didn’t want to stop now.

“No one willing to train with you, anyway.” Saama said with a laugh. “I don’t know what it is, but this past week or so, you’ve turned into quite the beast.” She clasped a hand on Petra’s shoulder. “I think the Queen chose well. You’re definitely a worthy successor to Sjur. The Corsairs were all afraid to train with her too.” Petra laughed, doubly so as Sjur laughed along with her.

“Thank you.” Petra siad once she recovered herself. She squeezed Saama’s hand. “I think I’ll go and find a dummy to take some of this energy out on, then. Hopefully you’ll have found more brave volunteers tomorrow.”

“Or unfortunate sacrifices, depending.” Saama suggested with a grin, stepping back and allowing Petra to pass.

_ This sucks. _ Sjur piped up as they moved towards the dummies at the other end of the training field.  _ I can’t believe that no one wants to fight us! _

_ I mean, _ Petra started, picking up a set of throwing knives and tossing one, landing the perfect bullseye.  _ I was already a punishment training for some of them. Having your skills as well makes us an actual threat to the safety of the Corsairs. We’ll be fine practicing on the dummies. _ Another knife landed, just a little to the left of the first one she’d thrown.

_ But the dummies are boring! _ Sjur protested.  _ Can we at least practice with a bow? I’m bored of throwing knives.  _ Petra sighed, moving over to the dummy and pulling the knife free.

_ Fine. But just to make you shut up. _ She settled on, picking up a bow and letting Sjur have control. Sjur checked the string, before knocking an arrow and pulling it back. Petra’s muscles weren’t as used to the force necessary for the bow, but Sjur was working on it.

“Petra!” A voice interrupted as Sjur was collecting the arrows she’d fired. Petra didn’t need to ask, Sjur quickly gave back control, letting Petra turn to face the Techeun that was approaching them.

“Good morning, Nascia.” Petra dipped her head, showing respect.

“Good morning.” Nascia smiled sweetly, and Sjur’s interested was piqued, although she didn’t say anything, not wanting to distract Petra from the conversation. “The Queen sent me to find you. She and Mother Illyn would like to see you.”

“Oh, I’ll head there right away, thank you.”

“I’m to escort you.” Nascia admitted, hands folded before her. “So please do hurry and pack away your training gear.” Petra nodded, letting Sjur have their hands so that she could unstring the bow.   
“I never noticed you with an affinity for Bows before, Petra. I always thought that as Sjur’s wheelhouse.”

“I’ve been branching out.” Petra lied easily. “There are some situations where being able to use other weaponry will be useful.” Nascia nodded, the two of them starting to walk through the City.

“Well,” Nascia stared steadfastly forward. “On another day, when we don’t have important matters to attend to, I think I’d like to see you practice.”

“Oh, are you thinking of learning some combat?” Petra asked, unsure why else a Techeun would want to watch her practice. If Sjur could, she would have banged her head off of a nearby wall.

_ She’s flirting with you, Petra. _ Sjur pointed out.

"Uh, yes. That’s it. I’m trying to decide what physical method of defense would be my best option and since you seem so efficient in everything you do-” Petra blinked, biting her lip.

_ Why would she flirt with me? _

_ I hate to admit it but you are pretty attractive. And it’s not like you’re tied down. _

_ But everyone knows about my… feelings. At least, that’s what Saama jokes about. _

_ Just because everyone knows doesn’t mean she shouldn’t shoot her shot. _

_ Yes it does! _

“Petra?” Nascia’s voice filtered into the internal conversation, and Petra found her cheeks turning a soft purple as she blushed.

“Sorry, Nascia. I think I just zoned out for a moment. I’ve not been sleeping well.” That wasn’t exactly a lie. She and Sjur didn’t get tired at the same rate, so there had been quite a few nights of Petra lying awake in her head while Sjur tried to tire herself out.

“That’s okay.” Nascia nodded. “I was simply asking if you’d be willing to teach me a few things once I decided on where I should start.”

_ Go for it! I know your thoughts, Petra, and I hate to admit it but you’re not exactly wrong. Shoot your shot with Nascia, she’s sweet. _

_ Shut up. _ Sjur could feel the anger and embarrassment and self loathing that quickly filled them. Maybe she’d pushed too far.

“Sure.” Petra said aloud, voice a little tense. “But I think the Corsairs would do a better job, I don’t really fight like the others.”

“Oh.” Nascia drooped a little, but she nodded. “Of course. Thank you for your advice, Petra.” Petra just nodded, her self doubt and hatred bubbling up again. She had plenty of practice in ignoring those kind of thoughts, but she currently had to choose between ignoring Sjur and ignoring those thoughts and she was more focused on ignoring Sjur, so some of them filtered through, souring her mood.

“Thank you for escorting me.” Petra said, voice a little calmer once they reached the throne room. She didn’t mean to be cruel to Nascia. Sjur was right, the Techeun was sweet, and if Petra wasn’t so wholly devoted to Mara, she certainly would consider it. But she couldn’t even consider looking at another woman like that. Not until she’d proved herself, made up for her past mistakes and matched up to Sjur as a Wrath. Then, and only then, could she start considering romantic entanglements. She could feel Sjur trying to say something, but continued to ignore her as best she could.

Petra pushed into the Queens throne room, keeping her shoulders back as she approached Mara and Illyn. She knelt before the throne, her chin in her chest. “You sent for me, My Queen?”

"Yes. Come along, we have much to discuss.” Mara stood, and Petra nearly fell over her own feet as she hurried to stand along with her.

_ You know she’ll probably want to talk to me too, right?  _ Sjur finally worked past Petra’s defenses to finally talk to her.

_ Probably. But I’m still not talking to you. _ Petra said as she followed behind Illyn into Mara’s private office, taking the seat offered to her, opposite her Queen. Illyn stood next to Mara, looking as severe and uptight as she always did. Petra did her best to ignore the Coven Mother, not wanting anxiety about her being added into her current emotional soup.

“Petra, Sjur, I’ve informed Illyn about your situation.” Petra blinked, having to take a second to process that information.

“Really?” Sjur asked, taking over to question the wisdom of Mara’s decision. “I figured keeping it a secret would be the best plan.”

“And you would be right.” Mara admitted, ignoring the offended noise Illyn made at the sight of Petra’s body talking back to Mara like that. “But magic is outside of my area of expertise. We all know there’s no one who knows more then Illyn. She has been sworn to secrecy. None of what is discussed in this room will be leaving this room.” Illyn nodded, and Petra breathed a sigh of relief.

“I have never heard of such a thing happening before.” Illyn admitted, stepping closer to Petra. Petra had to fight not to shrink back.

_ I’m sure she’s gotten creepier since I died. _ Sjur commented, which Petra ignored.

“I’ll answer any questions you have, Illyn.” Petra assured her. “And if I can’t, I will make sure Sjur will answer you.”

“Excellent.” Mara nodded. “Thank you both for your cooperation. We’ll see what we can do about getting you both sorted out.” Petra nodded again.

“Thank you, my Queen.We appreciate you trying to help us.” Petra said, dipping her head before turning her attention back to Illyn to answer the questions the Coven Mother had for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petra and Sjur have a fight, and Illyn starts looking for a solution. Sjur and Mara have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sorry about how long this took, I'm owning it now, I'm shit at updating, y'all can just deal with it xD
> 
> That aside, I hope you all enjoy this update! I got to indulge my angst gremlin with this chapter, which is fun for me, but probably not so much for the rest of you~!

_ Petra? _ Sjur knew Petra wasn’t asleep. They couldn’t go to sleep without each other. But Sjur got no answer.  _ Petra, come on! You’ve been ignoring me all day.  _ Sjur hadn’t realised how much she actually enjoyed chatting with Petra throughout the day until it had been taken from her by Petra ignoring her.  _ Petra? Petraaaaa! Look, I’m not gonna let you go to sleep until you at least acknowledge that I’m trying to talk to you. _

“What do you want, Sjur?” Petra spoke the words into the pillow, nuzzling at it to try and ease herself to sleep, despite knowing it was fruitless. She couldn’t sleep until Sjur was ready to sleep too.

_ I wanted to apologise about what I said earlier, when you were talking to Nascia. _ Petra didn’t say anything, but she could feel that Petra was at least listening.  _ It wasn’t fair for me to use your private thoughts against you. And… I was wrong about what I said. Not about Nascia, I stand by my thought that you should give that a go. I mean about Mara.  _ More silence. Sjur was about to start pestering as to whether Petra had been listening to her when Petra spoke again.

“You were right, Sjur.” She said, her voice sounding tired and defeated. “She’ll never look at me. Especially not now you’re in my head. I just have to accept it.” Petra sighed, nuzzling into the pillow again. “Can we go to sleep now?”

_ Petra… _ Sjur started.

“Sjur! Please let me sleep!” Petra sighed. “We have so much work to do tomorrow, and I know you’re not allowed to do any of it but if you run down my body by refusing to sleep, I’m gonna have to scream at you.” Sjur made them sigh again, as Petra nuzzled at the pillow once more.

_ Fine. But I still think you’re wrong.  _ Petra didn't respond again, but Sjur felt the deep pain, and the prickle of tears.

* * *

"Now Sjur," Illyn instructed. Petra relinquished control of her body, retreating from her limbs and allowing Sjur to fill them. "Have you swapped?" She asked, and Sjur nodded, shifting their stance somewhat to make it more obvious. She'd been getting good at mimicking Petra, for moments when she found herself in control and they were around others. "Excellent. Repeat the exercises."

_ She's enjoying this.  _ Petra said, as Sjur began moving them through the exercises that Petra had just finished.  _ I think she's just trying to push us to the edge.  _ Sjur could see the violent images that Petra was imagining, but did her best to ignore them. She’d clashed enough with Illyn throughout her first life, the two of them having very different ideas on how best to protect the Throne and the people, but they both had pure motives, so Sjur was trying to put that aside and accept the help.

“I’ve seen enough,” Illyn said, once Sjur had moved through everything. The Coven Mother motioned to the seat across the room, and Sjur willingly guided their body over and sank into it.

“We really need to work on your Stamina, little Fighdra.” Sjur commented, disliking the way her muscles ached and cried. She felt Petra’s temper flare for a moment, before it settled.

“I doubt even your body could handle training for two, and then all of this, without some kind of pain,” Petra pointed out, tired of not being heard. Sjur snorted out a laugh, rolling their eyes.

“Do you really want to dive into what my body could have handled, Petra?” She asked teasingly, feeling their cheeks light up purple in a deep blush.

“If you two are quite finished,” Illyn cut in, and both Wraths went silent, although Sjur could still feel Petra’s embarrassment. “It’s currently not looking like having both of you in the single space is causing any harm to the physical form,” Illyn began, “and I will keep asking you to perform these exercises for me so that I can be sure that that remains the case. As for how to separate you, even if I did know how to do that, we would be faced with another problem. There is nowhere for Sjur to go.”

Silence reigned for a long, uncomfortable minute as Sjur and Petra took the time to realise exactly what Illyn was saying. Even if they could be separated, Sjur would have to be lost to the ether of the universe once more. Could they really do that?

_ It’s okay, little Fighdra, _ Sjur spoke solemnly, wanting their conversation to be private,  _ my time has been and gone. This has been a glorious second chance, but it’s not my place to be here, if it comes to it- _

“No.” Petra cut Sjur off, shaking their head firmly, “I’m not going to let you finish that,” she turned her attention to Illyn, practically burning with determination, “if we can’t find a way to get Sjur a body, then I’ll carry her until that is a possibility. I don’t care, I’m not going to let you kill her again.” their arms shook with the force of Petra’s emotions, and even Sjur couldn’t untangle what all of them were.

Illyn seemed taken aback that Petra had given her such an outburst, but Sjur wasn’t. She’d seen inside of Petra’s head, a lot of what others saw was a carefully crafted facade. Beneath was someone rash, stubborn and emotional. Sjur wished she’d gotten to see this side of Petra before she’d died.

“While that’s very noble of you,” Illyn cleared her throat, recovering from her shock, “it may start to take its toll on your body. And I am under orders that should I be left with no other choice,  **you** are the one I am to save, Petra.” The silence returned, and Sjur was quick to mask her own hurt feelings. She’d expected nothing different, but it still caused an ache to have it confirmed that when the time came, she was to be expelled and cast adrift.

“Then we’ll have to find a solution,” Petra landed on, “a way to find Sjur a body, before this can start affecting mine. Because I’m not going to let you kill her.”

* * *

_Petra?_ Petra sighed, not wanting to talk with Sjur, but knowing she couldn't ignore her either.

"What?" She responded, keeping her focus on her hair, working a brush through it as it dried. Normally, this was a mindless task, but she didn't want to have another conversation about allowing Sjur to die again. Her desire to avoid that made brushing her hair the most interesting task she'd ever undertaken.

_I want to go and talk to Mara._ The request took Petra by surprise, enough to still her hands.

"Are you going to fight with her?" Petra asked. Sjur shook their head. "Are you going to bring up the fact that Illyn might kill you?" Another shake, and Petra sighed. "Okay," she agreed, tying her hair back in a loose ponytail and locating her eyepatch, covering the scarred hole that marred her face before she ventured back out through the halls.

Everything was eerily silent and empty, although Petra knew better than to be fooled by the silence and stillness. She was also abusing her knowledge of Corsair patrol patterns to avoid being seen by anyone. She didn't much care to explain to anyone as to why she was heading towards Mara's quarters, in her pyjamas, without being able to mention Sjur. Petra gave thanks for her lightfooted nature as they reached the door to Mara's bedroom. Without needing to be asked, Petra withdrew, trying to make herself as small as possible, so that Sjur and Mara could have something of a private conversation.

Sjur took a moment to steady herself, before she knocked on Mara's door. They'd not really spoken, but hearing that Mara had instructed Illyn to save Petra had driven Sjur to confront her Queen. She'd meant what she'd said to Petra, however. She had no plans of fighting, or even bringing up the comment that had brought her to Mara's door so late in the evening. She just needed to talk to her.

"Enter," Mara spoke from behind the door. Sjur pushed it open, holding her shoulders back, hoping that Mara wouldn't need to ask which one of them it was that was disturbing her. "Sjur?" Mara frowned. Sjur shut the door behind her, and moved towards the couch that she'd dragged into Mara's room so many years before. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," Sjur admitted, sitting on the couch and awkwardly adjusting herself until she was comfortable. It was strange, to be somewhere so familiar with such wrong proportions.

"About?" Mara asked, moving to sit next to Sjur. Sjur knew this tactic of hers well. Ask short questions so that you didn't give anything away prematurely. She sighed, shaking her head.

"Nothing politically important," Sjur shrugged, "Mara..." Sjur struggled for the words, especially knowing that no matter how hard she tried not to, Petra would be privvy to this entire conversation, "you've been avoiding me. And I've been avoiding you. And that's not something we should be doing," Sjur watched Mara's face harden. The changes were small, and it had taken her decades to be able to read them in the first place, but Sjur knew Mara well enough to be able to tell. "I know why. This isn't easy, and it's not fair on either of us... or on Petra. But it is what it is and we can't keep avoiding each other." Silence reigned for a moment, and Sjur watched the emotions flicker imperceptably over Mara's face.

"I was healing," Mara finally said, and for a moment, she looked exactly as Sjur remembered her. Soft and vulnerable, not hiding behind the walls of Queendom and responsibility. "I was finally starting to return to myself, outside of my work. I was recovering from the loss of you, little by little. And now I am faced with having to lose you all over again, and knowing that I will look upon a face I have to see every day and be unable to think of nothing but the fact that I had to trade you for her safety." Sjur felt guilt, and knew it wasn't just her own.

_I'm sorry,_ Petra's voice sounded small, but Sjur couldn't focus on her right now. She kept her attention on Mara, although that only made the guilt worse.

"My love," Sjur began, only for Mara to jolt to her feet, away from the comforting touch that Sjur had been about to give to her.

"Don't." Mara said, shaking her head. "Don't speak to me, Sjur. Don't speak to me with such familiarity in a voice that is not your own. Don't say the things you once would have said, because I'll have to hear them in her voice and I fear I will never recover from that." Sjur went to reach for Mara again, only to have Mara pull away further, holding herself stiff and set apart. "Leave." She demanded. Sjur frowned.

"Mara,"

"Leave!" Mara ordered again, pointing to the door fiercely. Sjur stood, wishing she could comfort her love, but knowing that now was not the time.

"If you change your mind," Sjur said, as she hovered by the doorway, "please come and find me," Mara didn't answer, but as Sjur shut the door, she heard the unmistakable sound of a sob and something shattering from the room she'd just left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super excited for what I have planned for the next chapter, because it involves me being able to dive into some of my ideas around the Awoken, & we get to see Petra actually enjoy herself a little~!

**Author's Note:**

> I am not sorry and you'll never take me alive!


End file.
